Secret Stash #7
February 21, 2019 | Las Vegas, Nevada
originally distributed by email — adapted for this web page
Watch a Sexually Explicit Video: “Tony’s Surreal Adventure”Click the image to watch a 15-minute video. You will hear Madeira Desouza in his own voice hosting a rare inside look at his creative process. You’ll see how he produces unforgettable masculine male characters and tells controversial stories about them. This video provides an unfiltered look inside the mind of Madeira Desouza of Las Vegas.
Watch this sexually explicit video (15 minutes running time) hosted on Google Drive.
Companion ImagesHere’s a selection of stills from the video:
Deeper DiveAs an artist and storyteller I must admit something honestly to you: I’m regularly surprised at the how characters I create and the situations they’re in seem to emerge separately from conscious thinking on my part. I’ve read how others feel similarly as I feel when they develop and produce creative works.
I cannot figure out whether the characters and situations I create come from an unconscious part of my mind. But that is what I surmise is happening within me. Sometimes I am more than just a little shocked by how this happens within me.
For example, I was recently working on a new multiple character situation in which several men appear nude in a studio in which I am photographing them. I tell them what I want them to do for the camera, but they show me that they have other ideas instead.
I did not start out with any conscious thinking about what I was going to have these 4 nude men doing in my photo session. To my surprise, they ended up enjoying each other sexually in that studio and then took a much-needed break so they could rest and recuperate.
The exact same thing happened regarding the character Tony that I created. In the video I reveal that I started off with Tony being restrained. His wrists were bound behind his back. He began as a vulnerable character. Then I introduced a sharp needle.
I did not mindfully begin this storytelling and production process with thoughts of hurting Tony with a sharp object. I remember my original mental plan was to use a needle to inject him in the neck and cause him to fall over onto the bed unconscious and then be susceptible to mind control. But then the needle aspect of this storytelling took a more aggressive turn on its own. This suddenly morphed into a story about a sharp object altering Tony’s masculinity rather abruptly while he has no choice but to watch and participate.
Without warning, the story turns on Tony, making him even more vulnerable: A feminine version of Tony emerges. The needle stays right there in the scene with her in a prominent phallic pose.
The original masculine version of Tony discovers he is sexually attracted to this new female version of himself that he sees is right there in the scene with him. This is a known response. If a male becomes sexually aroused as he imagines himself as a woman, it is known as autogynophilia.
The original masculine version of Tony fucks the feminine version of himself using the missionary position made possible since the feminine version of Tony comes fully-equipped with her own vagina.
The original masculine version of Tony cums inside the feminine version of himself. He’s responsible for her having a simultaneous orgasm with him. Since he and she are one and the same, don’t you think that Tony feels both the masculine and feminine versions of the simultaneous orgasm?
Just when you may have figured it out, then there’s yet another orgasm. The original masculine version of Tony appears in the same scene watching these two lovers and he jerks himself off in response. Note the needle ramming into his right testicle.The presence of the needle at various points in the story—something I did not consciously control—may be a clue. As a storyteller and artist I wanted to explore in a symbolic and visual way the struggle a man may have with his own sexual responses in life. A needle injection in his neck causes him to get hot over an imaginary feminine version of himself whom he ends up fucking and they have a simultaneous orgasm. As you can see, that needle keeps appearing to manipulate Tony’s sexual responses.
I tried to be careful not to tell a story that contains transgender issues or questions. The original masculine version of Tony is technically not a character who is depicted as going through the transgender experience as such. He fantasizes about a feminine version of himself and even fucks her (but that probably is only in his mind thanks to the drugs injected into him by that needle.) It would be incorrect to view this character or this story as having any connection to the transgender experience.
The original masculine Tony jerks off as he sees himself lying butt upward on the bed unconscious. That may be sexual narcissism but even so, that has zero to do with transgender issues. Lastly, I show one picture of Tony grabbing the balls of a taller and more masculine man. That subtle smile on Tony’s face in that image is powerful proof Tony feels at home sexually with males and not females.
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